Consent is TEA
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Consent is more than hearing a "yes" from someone.
(Because sometimes people say yes, when they might want to say no.) Consent is communication and understanding. Relationships should feel comfortable and safe for each person. At SASSMM, we want relationships to be built with choice, respect, and consent. It doesn't matter what your relationship looks like, it matters how you feel in your relationship. |
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Consent is FRIES (with tea*)
Freely Given: Feeling any form of pressure, from your partner, a friend,
family member, or even from outside influences, means that you aren't consenting to drinking tea. It should be your decision to drink tea, not someone else's. You might want to say no to a cup but feel like you should say yes to please that person, stop them from bothering you, fit in with other tea drinkers, or even to stay safe.
Reversible: The person said yes to tea, and then something came up. Now, they can't have tea with you. Which is frustrating. You can have a lot of feelings come up when someone changes their mind. Those feelings are your responsibility, and it's important to respect someone's right to no longer wish to have tea. It's okay for anyone to change their mind, even the person who proposed to have tea!
Informed: If I am asking someone to have tea with me, I need to be able to talk about tea, maybe why I would like to have tea with that person, what kind of tea I'm thinking about having, and where we're going for tea. The more information you can provide the better able the person you want to have tea with can connect with you and be an enjoyable experience for the both of you.
Enthusiastic: You might not know if you want to drink tea. That's okay! It's not always about being excited about tea, it's about making sure that your answer to whether or not you want tea is your decision, not someone else's. Sometimes tea can be bitter, bland, or just not something you're particularly passionate about. Explore if you want tea, how much tea, and what kind of tea you're interested in, and be willing to communicate that with others of your choosing. Enthusiasm works with the other pieces of fries to ensure that whatever tea you drink (if you do) is a mutual decision between tea drinkers, where you all are getting your tea wants met.
Specific: You've said yes to tea! That doesn't mean you've said yes to tea and cake, or having tea with the person another day. That requires another informed conversation.
family member, or even from outside influences, means that you aren't consenting to drinking tea. It should be your decision to drink tea, not someone else's. You might want to say no to a cup but feel like you should say yes to please that person, stop them from bothering you, fit in with other tea drinkers, or even to stay safe.
Reversible: The person said yes to tea, and then something came up. Now, they can't have tea with you. Which is frustrating. You can have a lot of feelings come up when someone changes their mind. Those feelings are your responsibility, and it's important to respect someone's right to no longer wish to have tea. It's okay for anyone to change their mind, even the person who proposed to have tea!
Informed: If I am asking someone to have tea with me, I need to be able to talk about tea, maybe why I would like to have tea with that person, what kind of tea I'm thinking about having, and where we're going for tea. The more information you can provide the better able the person you want to have tea with can connect with you and be an enjoyable experience for the both of you.
Enthusiastic: You might not know if you want to drink tea. That's okay! It's not always about being excited about tea, it's about making sure that your answer to whether or not you want tea is your decision, not someone else's. Sometimes tea can be bitter, bland, or just not something you're particularly passionate about. Explore if you want tea, how much tea, and what kind of tea you're interested in, and be willing to communicate that with others of your choosing. Enthusiasm works with the other pieces of fries to ensure that whatever tea you drink (if you do) is a mutual decision between tea drinkers, where you all are getting your tea wants met.
Specific: You've said yes to tea! That doesn't mean you've said yes to tea and cake, or having tea with the person another day. That requires another informed conversation.
* Tea and fries in real life is not a great combo. It works better with the concept of consent. When we say "tea" we're referring to anything from physical to emotional intimacy, across the many different types of relationships we all have and want to maintain. Friends, family, loved ones, roommates, coworkers, new and old relationships. Consent is especially important between relationships where there are power dynamics at play.
